People never cease to amaze me (part 84)

Question I received this morning:

27 yrs ago when my boyfriend was 26 he fondled his step daughter. This went on for aprox 5-6 months and he put a end to it. He remained her stepfather until four years ago when his wife died. She was aware of the abuse. He has felt great remorse and guilt over the years and has done everything possible to make it up to her. He has paid her bills, worked on her home and cars, bought her cars, paid for her education, given her a place to live, paid for her vacations ect. Five months ago he said no more and closed the wallet.

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New Parental Notification Law takes effect Nov 3rd

For those of you who do not know, starting tomorrow, November 3rd, the law requiring parental notification goes into effect in regards to abortion.  Now this is not a post regarding abortion, but rather my thoughts as a family lawyer on the issue of parental notification.

Lets start off by saying that abortion is legal, so for those of you who raise the argument "but it should not be", that argument is irrelevant here.  And for those who believe that abortion should be unrestricted, they are missing the point as well.  We have long held that common sense restrictions on even fundamental rights, such as free speech is necessary.  

There are many instances in which the government, and society, have determined that because something is legal does not mean minors can do it.  Remember that minors legally do not possess the maturity to enter into contracts.  Society has held since long before the formation of this country that minors should not be held to agreements that they sign because they do not have the knowledge and maturity to make informed decisions.  Critics of the new bill claim that somehow such minors do have the maturity to determine whether to end a pregnancy (and depending on your viewpoint, perhaps a life).  I would like to make the decision to terminate a pregnancy at least up there with buying a car (which minors cannot do on their own).

Examining the new law, I can't help but think its much to do about nothing as it will not prevent abortions or help parents resume their former role of . . . well parents. 

First, the law has the old caveat whereby a minor can simply go to a judge and ask to bypass the notificaiton.  There are already free legal aid groups popping up to walk children through the process. 

Second, its a parental NOTIFICATION law, not a parental consent law.  So unlike most neighboring states, parents do not have to consent to the abortion, just be told by their underage daughter that the daughter is going ahead with the abortion whether the parents like it or not. 

Third, (and this is really silly), the notification form, supposedly signed by the parents, required under the new law will be brought in by the children themselves.  Gee, think any scared girls will simply forge their parents signature?  I'm sure Planned Parenthood will really follow up to confirm the signatures are legit.  And why should the underage girl worry?  Even if she is caught, she is too young to be prosecuted as an adult, after all she is too young to know what she is doing. 

Fourth, why is this particular procedure treated differently than every other medical procedure a child may undergo?  A sixteen year old cannot elect to have a kidney operation without parental consent (not just notification).  I would bet that abortion has a higher risk of harm to the minor child (I'm referring to the mother) then many medical procedures.  Shouldn't the parents, who the legal system say is presumed to have the child's best interest in mind, at least know what their child is up to at Planned Parenthood?

My final thought is that I see parents routinely abdicate their responsibility as parents, leaving it to public schools to teach sex ed, among other values.  I see non-custodial parents never spending time with their children, oftentimes because the custodial parent has made it their life's goal of alienating the aforementioned non-custodial parent from their child.   Part of all this results from our evolving belief in the role of the state for our children (the subject of a whole other post).  It's no longer the parents job to provide health care, its the government.  The government will soon provide half of this countries children with food stamps at some point in the child's life.  Likewise, parents no longer have the authority to determine when to spank their children without fear of having those children taken away by state employees who are not exactly held to private sector standards of excellence. Google "DCFS abuse" and read about how the state treats Illinois parents. 

Until Nov 3rd, Illinois parents are not even allowed to KNOW when their underage child is getting an abortion, never mind having a say in such a momentous decision.  We don't hand a fourteen year old car keys just because they think they are ready to drive, and we should similarly keep medical decisions out of their hands as well.

Child Support and the State Disbursement Unit

The Court, in Illinois, at the request of either party, will order that the payments either be taken directly out of the non-custodial parent’s paycheck and sent to the State Disbursement Unit; or order that the payments be made directly to the State Disbursement Unit by the non-custodial parent. Sometimes the Court does not order this at all and the non-custodial parent will make the payments directly to the other parent. This usually happens when the non-custodial parent is self-employed, but can happen in other instances as well. THIS IS NEVER A GOOD IDEA. The custodial spouse can then claim that he/she never received the support payments and it becomes a he said/she said match. When the custodial parent files in the court saying that the other parent hasn’t made payments, the custodial parent needs NO PROOF. The burden will shift to the non-custodial parent to show that payments have been made. It is much harder to prove that payments have been made when there is no paper trail. The rule of thumb should be to always pay through the State Disbursement Unit. The SDU keeps records of all payments and if someone says you didn’t pay, all you have to do is get the records and you are home free. It is easy to do and even if the court doesn’t order it directly, you can still contact the SDU yourself and set up the payments.

- Melissa Fish

Child Support Modification Due to New Kids

A question I regularly get is, "Since I am having a new child, can I ask the court to lower my child support for my existing children from a previous marriage?"  Nope.  Illinois, like most states, believes that the older children should not be punished for your decision to have more children.  They still need support.  Makes sense if you think about it.  You know your financial status and if you are able to care for a new child.  If the law were different, parents paying support would be even less inclined to worry about previous children with spouses that they no longer like/speak with.  Why punish the current children because the parent is having more.The rejoinder to my position is that the new child will suffer if the support to the older children remains the same.  I respond that you should have thought about that before having unprotected sex.  Besides, if a person is so irresponsible to have a new child when he/she cannot afford it, the money going to the older children are the least of the baby's problems.

Children! (part 2)

Supervised Visitation. The holy grail of child warfare. 

Now I know that there are some legitimate safety concerns with some parents.  But percentage wise, it is extremely less likely that a parent is "a serious risk of endangerment to the child" (legal standard) then a trip to domestic court will have you think.  I think its disgusting when a parent lies in an attempt to block access to a child by the other parent.  Fortunately, courts are becoming more and more aware of the rampant abuse of this tactic. 

Having argued both sides of the issue, I am glad that Illinois courts have made it hard to block a parent from seeing their kids, while at the same time providing a mechanism to protect the few children who need protection.

In a recent case, I represented a father who could not see his daughter unless he went over to the mother's house for an hour or two a week, while the mother stayed in the room.  He had no criminal background, no drug past, no red flags. His one fault had been to listen to his ex-wife when she said he did not need an attorney for his divorce, and that her attorney would take care of everything.  Sheesh!  A related thought is that when people ask me if being a family lawyer is satisfying, I think of the pure joy in my client's voice when he got to be a father to his daughter for the first time in three years. 

Children! (part 1)

The courts are very concerned about the harmful effects divorce have upon children.  Judges strongly want to get child issues figured out, at least on a temporary basis, for stability.  Quite simply, kids can get screwed up so easily due to the incredible selfishness of their parents.


It wouldn't be so bad if parents remembered that kids are not possessions to be 'won'.  There are two reoccuring problems relating to divorce and children that really annoy me. First, many parents ignore how their nasty fights with each other affect their children.  So fighting over children causes those children to take sides in the divorce, develop feelings of anger towards their parents, feel uncertain about their self worth, and so on.  Second, parents use children to hurt the other parent.  Custodial parents tend to be more at fault in this regard. Withholding parenting time, alienating the children, and generally blocking the other parent from continuing the critical parental bonding.  The extreme of such behavior is when one parent attempts to prevent the other parent from seeing the child(ren) unsupervised, essentially asking the court to order a parent (usually the father) to not be allowed alone with their own children!  I will continue with this thought in a post next week.

Immaculate Conceptions vs. Deadbeat Dads

Extremes are never good.  So to be fair, I shall comment on both the female and male extremes of bad parenting.Immaculate Conceptions - I have had a few clients, and more than a few opposing counsels, with whom I have had to remind that the child was the product of TWO parents.  For some reason, many women seem to forget there was a man involved (or at least 'that' man).  I understand how someone who gave life to a child would feel the most amazing connection to her child, and it is a feeling a man will never have.  But at the same time, studies abound that prove undeniably two parents are better than one.  I would say great parenting is sometimes having to grit your teeth, and see some a#$hole who was a horrible husband every week when he comes to get the kids.Deadbeat Dads - Pretty simple here right?  Dads who donated sperm and thats about it.  Despite an incredible assortment of laws and efforts to go after such men, certain fathers are willing to move to different states, skip around different jobs, and commit fraud simply to avoid paying support.  I can understand some of the reasoning.  Many states (including Illinois) uses inflexible percentage systems that often lead a man to pay much more than a child could possibly need.  For example, a man making $100,000 a year net knows there is no way a 3 month old needs $20,000 a year for support.  Guess who gets to go shopping on the first of every month!  But despite the flaws in the system, children need to be supported. Also, most dads avoiding support do not earn that much, and statistically, neither does the mother in these situations.  Here again, a good dad will oftentimes need to grit his teeth every time he sees his paystub, and countdown until the big 1-8. 

Child Support (Arghh!@$&%@!)

Leave it to the state to make a system that leaves absolutely no one happy.  As every non resident custodial parent in Illinois knows, parents who do not have custody of the child(ren) are obligated to pay a fixed percentage of their net income to the other parent.   Lost your job? Too bad, keep paying.  You were not told about the support hearing, and had an imputed income assigned to you that is unreasonable? Oh well.  And if you fail to pay your support, whether it is correct or not, then out come the penalties.  Everything from losing your license to ending up in jail. 

On the other side of the equation, there are many parents trying to raise children while the other parent is avoiding paying child support through various means.  For every parent unfairly hurt by a one size fits all child support statute, there is a single parent struggling to raise one or more children without any help from the other parent.  I find it silly that Illinois cannot track deadbeat parents who jump from state to state to avoid paying support.  Those people are jerks.

The reality is that most custodial parents are women and most payers are men.  This affects legislation, and people's mindsets.  For example, until a few years ago, one state near Illinois used the term his or he when referring to the parent responsible for paying child support, and she or her when referring to the custodial parent.  Ouch. The good news (for children) is that courts are actually looking more and more into which parent is better suited to raise the child(ren) in the relationship. 

Avoiding/Minimizing Probate

 I know, this blog is about divorce, but I also do estate planning, and the two are intertwined.   So here is short article I wrote for a newsletter:

 

DIFFICULTY LEVEL - EASY

Payable on Death Accounts- you designate a person to receive all the money in a given bank account upon your death.  That person only needs your death certificate and I.D.  Best for single people.

 

Retirement Accounts- Great because they skip the entire probate process.  Simply name a beneficiary and like P.O.D. accounts, proof of death triggers the account custodian to hand over the money to the beneficiary.

 

DIFFICULTY LEVEL - MEDIUM

 

Joint Tenancy with right of survivorship-Simple way to designate ownership so that when one of the joint tenants dies, the remaining joint tenants own the entire property.  For example, if 3 people own a piece of land in joint tenancy, and one dies, the remaining two joint tenants own the land.  When one of those tenants dies, the last joint tenant owns the entire property outright.

 

DIFFICULTY LEVEL - GET A LAWYER

 

Revocable Living Trusts- An incredible legal tool designed to circumvent probate, it allows someone to place land, personal property, or essentially anything they have title to into the name of a trust, with a person who administers the trust who is called the trustee.  Technically the trustee now owns the asset, but they are required to keep it for the benefit of the "beneficiary".  An attorney, after reviewing your overall assets and related factors, will design one or more trusts that can

 

Will - Everyone should have them, only 30% do.  This is the centerpiece of your estate plan.  Many times, it can handle all of a person's needs.  Done properly, a will does not have to be replaced for many, many years, if ever.  Adjustments (named 'codicils') can be made to wills very easily. 

Why is all this planning good?  There are the standard reasons: Minimize taxes from the federal and state government, control the disposition of your assets, determine how you are to be cared for if you are incapacitated, make your final wishes known to your loved ones, the list goes on. 

 

But my personal favorite is that Wills and other estate planning tools reduces or eliminates family strife.  I have seen families torn apart by poor estate planning, as siblings fight over what they envisioned what their father would want.  Do not assume your children, or loved ones know how you want your property to be divided or your remains to be handled.  Additionally, family members tend to remember what they want to hear, whether it be how you wanted the house divided up, or what kind of care you wish to have if incapacitated.

Seminar Adventure I

I am putting together a seminar to address people's concerns and questions about divorce, child custody, and child support in Chicago next month.  It should be interesting.  I hope to be able to provide some perspective and explain the overall process.  I think that as family law attorneys, we forget that most people don't really know what the process is, and what they think they know is simply wrong.  A friend mentioned that it seemed strange to offer a seminar to educate people about family law for free.  After all, with enough information, one can go to the courthouse and take care of everything themselves.  I gave his three rebuttals: First, I have found that the more I share information with people, the more they come to trust me and the more business comes my way.  Many people do not feel like trusting their life's savings and children's future to self help forms, and a 'gut feel' earned through Law & Order reruns.  Second, I have found that it is often cheaper and quicker to bring an attorney in from the beginning.  I have worked with people who started their divorce themselves, realized they were in over their head, handed their case to me and I had to clean it up.  Cleaning can be costly, and almost always involves 'restarting the case', since few non-attorney's actually show up to the many status checks required by the court, and allow their divorce to be dismissed.  Third, so what?  If people have a simple divorce, with no children or property and agree to everything, they probably don't need an attorney.  For those people, I suggest trying it yourself with perhaps an attorney reviewing the decree (thats the final and important court document that lays out everyone's post divorce responsibilities). I will see.     

More government is not the answer in Family Law

I shake my head when I read papers from people declaring that government needs to get more involved in people's private lives: http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=1084562 The problem with such government meddling is that it doesn't work.  Communism's failure in the 1900's is a stark testament to the unpredictable nature of central control.  Unintended consequences result from every action.  A simple example: You save a bird, and feel good that you helped out a living creature.  But that bird has an illness that makes people sick, and proceeds to infect dozens of Chicago citizens.   Similarly, the Miami city government years ago had to address a rampant rat problem, so they decided to import a few hundred cats, today there is a larger wild cat problem in that city than the rats ever posed.  Do we really want 'incentives' for good behavior (at least what the government decrees is good behavior).  In the above paper marriage was deemed a good status and unmarried cohabitation was deemed a bad state of living.  But there are horrible marital situations filled with abuse and neglect, and unmarried couples leading commendable lives.  No one size fits all solution has ever  worked, especially when created by a federal bureaucracy.  And then there is that whole concept of freedom and the natural rights of man enunciated in that Constitution document .  .  . 

Multiple Fathers

Like many states, Illinois statutes relating to marriage and children often and mistakenly assume women do not cheat on their husbands. For example, if a child is born to a married couple, and nothing is said or done by either person, the state (and the courts) presume the husband is the father.  Ok, thats a good assumption.  But what if its not the case?  At the risk of sounding like Jerry Springer, there have been two people who have asked me questions recently along the lines of "I'm married and had a child, my husband is on the birth certificate.  What rights does the actual father have to see the child?"

Now, setting aside my non-legal opinion regarding promiscuity and birth control, I still find such questions insulting from a legal perspective.  First, the biological father should have a chance to develop a relationship with his child.  Of course, the overriding factor is 'best interest of the child', and the court will look to that and NOT what would make the biological father happy.  However, the biological mother usually cuts out the biological father (after all, his usefulness is over) and creates a baby rearing dynamic that is sure to lead the court to cut out the biological father in the name of 'not disrupting the environment' of the baby.

Don't worry Biological dad, if the mother ever gets divorce, and she thinks you would be a better child support donor, she can go about having the state recognize you as the father, and then you lose 20% of your income (plus its unlikely you will get to see the child).

My advice for almost EVERY legal matter is to demand/fight for your legal rights immediately.  Waiting usually reduces your right to claim a grievance or get redress.

Men: If you are in a situation where you do not want to confront these complicated legal issues and do not want children from your 'funtime', there are ways to insure this (hint: they are round and in the drug store).

Illinois is a big state!

Well, I just spoke to a new client that lives in southern Illinois. I decided to take the case, partly because I like to practice family law. For instance, I would not drive six hours to do a real estate closing. More importantly, I like fighting to correct a bad situation. I like helping people, righting wrongs, whatever you want to call it. I get to help a child improve her custody arrangement (we will leave it at that for confidentiality reasons). I realize this post is sounding like I am patting myself on the back, but my original intent in this post is the realization that I just agreed to represent someone (albeit in a small matter) in a county I have never heard of, pretty darn close to Kentucky! Maybe I can combine it into a day trip/vacation!

Emancipation Proclamation

I was asked the other day about how child can become emancipated. I always find such questions interesting since the person asking me rarely understands what emancipation means in legal terms. In Illinois, a minor who is 16 or 17 may petition the court, and IF THE PARENTS CONSENT, and the child can show they can financially take care of themselves, the court may emancipate them. Now. . . does that seem a likely scenario? Not usually. Not a lot of 16 year olds drawing a paycheck that can support an adult lifestyle. Not a lot of 16 year old parents feel like losing the tax advantage, or lack of control over a teenager they feel a moral duty to raise.

More likely are scenarios in which a relationship between a child and one or both parents are really poor. In the context of a child whose parents are divorced, one parent (or the child) wants to restrict access to the child. Court looks at . . . best interest of the child (If you have been reading my blog you already knew this!). If one parent is bad, or the parent's environment is bad, the court may alter custody or visitation.

If the scenario is one disgruntled child wanting to leave his or her parents, the typical answer is, "Tough". Kids often don't like rules, rebelling is part of growing up, and so on. Of course there are cases involving abuse, which need to be dealt with, (normally in Cook county by the Department of Family and Children Services).

As is the case with most of family law, it is extremely state specific. In Minnesota for instance, there is no statutory provision for emancipation at all.

Holidays

The Law Offices of Sharon T. Sooho published a great article in November 2005, titled 10 Holiday Tips for Divorced Parents.  As a divorced parent, I have found it to be very useful, and hope you do too!

"Divorce is emotionally draining, especially during the holidays and special occasions. Divorced parents must communicate with even more diplomacy, patience, mutual understanding, respect, and tolerance than married couples planning holiday travel, dinners, reunions and gift-giving. Juggling schedules during marriage is hard, and it only gets harder after divorce.

"Here are 10 tips for making sure everyone enjoys special occasions:

"1. Plan Ahead

"Develop a parenting schedule before the holidays.

"Avoid scheduling the children for dinner with Dad at noon and a second turkey dinner a few hours later with Mom. Instead, arrange for Dad to spend the entire day with the children in all odd-numbered years, and have Mom spend the holiday with them in all even-numbered years.

"If possible, hire a parenting coordinator, usually a child psychologist or divorce lawyer appointed by the court to act as a decision-maker until a judge makes a different decision. You have quicker access to the coordinator than the judge, but the coordinator must be paid.

"2. Keep Your Word

"Stick to the schedule. Arrive on time and drop off the children on time.

"3. Keep in Touch

"If the children are not with you for the holidays, call them, and be sure to send cards or email. Consider celebrating the holiday or birthday before or after the actual day. Children love parties and gifts any time - nothing fancy - but something special you create just for them.

"4. Let the Children Keep in Touch

"If the children spend the holiday with you, let them speak with the other parent. Give the children any cards and email from the other parent, and read the messages to young children who cannot read. If the children are too young to call, help them make or receive a call, and let them have a quiet moment to speak with the other parent. Make sure to avoid planning an exciting activity like gift-opening at the same time that the children are scheduled to speak with their Mom or Dad.

"Remember, children usually have a short attention span, so do not blame the other parent if conversations are short.

"5. Safe Travel

"Make travel arrangements with airlines for long-distance travel. Airlines provide supervision for unaccompanied minors for a nominal fee.

"6. The Art of Gift-Giving

"Coordinate gift-giving with the other parent. Do not give your child a cell phone if you know Mom is giving her a phone. If your ex-spouse will not cooperate, go ahead with your own plans, but do not complain to the children about the other parent.

"7. Acknowledge the Child's Right to Enjoyment

"Let your child take gifts to your ex-spouse's home. Conversely, if your child brings home a new toy or bicycle, let your child take it back to her Dad's home, if she wants.

"8. To Each His Own

"Let the children spend Mother's Day with Mom and Father's Day with Dad.

"9. Create Your Own Celebrations

"Do not insist upon attending your child's birthday or graduation party if your ex-spouse is throwing the party. Give your own party on another day.

"10. Give Your Child Permission to Love Both Parents

"Help your child buy or make a gift and card for the other parent, if the child is too young to handle the tasks herself. You are doing your child a favor, not your ex-spouse, because you are giving your child permission to love the other parent - the best gift you can give."

Be a Good Client

Although I have recommended retaining an attorney, that does not mean you are then absolved from common sense or acting responsibly. If the court orders a payment for fees, or orders anything for that matter, COMPLY!

Not following directions leads to several things, all bad:

1. The judge gets frustrated with you. This is the person who will be deciding more things down the road.

2. The other party will get frustrated with you. Reduces your chances of settling issues quickly and amicably.

3. Your attorney will get frustrated with you. I don't like getting yelled at or responding to petitions to make my client do what they are supposed to do.

4. The other party's attorney will get frustrated with you. He cannot appear to his/her client that he is not forcing the other side to honor the court. Plus if it relates to his/her fees, that attorney will have extra incentive to pursue the matter.

5. You will be frustrated with you. All the extra and unnecessary attorney work directly translates into more hours billed (which you pay). Also, the court isn't going to change its mind because you have ignored it. Usually just the opposite. So you still have to do what the original order says and perhaps suffer a penalty for being hard headed.

Fight for your position, do your best, but always comply with a judge. It seems simple to some, but apparently not to everyone.

Counseling and Kids

Great article in line with my thoughts about children and how parents need to step up to the plate and be unselfish:

Getting Counseling Through a Divorce

According to divorce experts, more options exist today than ever before for parents that are entangled in divorce and custody disputes.

Various types of treatments, therapy and counseling are now available to both parents and their children who are going through this emotionally straining process.

Staying Positive for Children

Divorce experts claim that counseling services, meditation and collaborative family-law meetings are all ways in which parents can help their children to better cope with the separation of the most important figures in their lives.

Reports also state that these treatments may also help parents to better manage their stress and stay positive for their kids.

"The less arguing the child sees, the better off the child is. It's terrible for children to get in the middle of that," says Ben Schwarz, a family law attorney.

Parents Encouraged to Ask for Help

Jessica Zaucha, a clinical social worker says that parents shouldn't be afraid to ask for help and guidance from outside sources.

"Children have to remain the priority for parents who are going through any kind of separation," explains Zaucha, " if you're not taking care of yourself, you're not going to be the kind of parent you need to be."

Schwarz claims that most divorcing couples think that if they seek counseling for themselves and their family it will reflect poorly on them during child-custody proceedings.

However, Candace Pietschmann, family law attorney explains, "It absolutely makes a difference to start down a more positive road as opposed to starting down the adversarial path. It's not fun to go through a divorce, but in the end, couples who seek therapy will look at it like, Ok, I can get through this."

(Source: Northwest Herald)

Its tough to seperate the issue of your children from your other 'property' in a heated divorce proceeding, but remember, they are the only ones that are 100% innocent in all this.

Fatherhood is not just for fathers

Couple of cases popping up around the country the last couple of years in which men have established that they are not the biological parent of a child, only to find out that they are still liable for 18 years of support.In Illinois, if you admit to being the baby's father and sign the corresponding paperwork, you are that child's father regardless of what future DNA tests show, or what any other evidence comes out. This post is focused on men since its pretty easy for the hospital and the state to figure out who the biological mother is, for obvious reasons. In 2004, a young man was told by his girlfriend that she was pregnant with his child. He signed the paperwork admitting as much, and married the girl. Years later he found out the child was not his through DNA testing. The Illinois Supreme Court held that since the man admitted he was the father, any evidence to the contrary would be ignored and there is no way to overcome that presumption of fatherhood. That man will be paying child support for a child he knows is not his until 2015. I bet he wish he had consulted a family law attorney.

You're not divorcing the children

Couple of thoughts I want to express about children. Studies show that children do better with divorced parents than those who stay together unhappily. That said, children can also be dramatically affected by divorce. And usually in a negative way.

I have found that many people who are careful and rational under normal circumstances, forget their common sense when interacting with their children in a divorce. Often, it becomes a game with both parents trying to get the kid(s) on 'their' side. Older kids resent this, as they see right through it. Younger kids may not. But if one parent acts to turn a kid against the other parent, they hurt the kid for the rest of his/her life. To me, that is child abuse.

If you think the other parent is doing such actions, don't retaliate. Document, tell your attorney, and follow their advice. Ultimately, your goal is to raise healthy, successful children, not "win" custody.

How much can be withheld?

An Illinois Appeals Court has laid out the maximums that a non-custodial parent can be forced to pay. This is NOT related to the standard percentage that is calculated at the time of divorce. Let me explain. When first determining what the non-custodial parent must pay every month, the court relies on a standard set of percentages as outlined by statute. For example, with one dependent, the non-custodial parent typically is ordered to pay 20% of his or her net pay. There are many other things that come into play, and a judge may under certain circumstances deviate from the statutory guidelines.

Now many of you may think, ' O.K., 20% of my net pay. Done.' But if you are in arrears (owe money), the court can take up to 60% of your pay if you don't have other dependents or children. If you do, the court can take up to 50%. And currently the interest on unpaid child support is 9%. Ouch. And if your financial situation changes for the worse, you need an attorney to examine petitioning the court for a change in how much you are required to pay.

Operation Father's Pay

I came across this article and thought it was a good example of why not handling a divorce properly can follow you around for the rest of your life. http://glennsacks.com/blog/?page_id=850.

I want to highlight a couple of points and statistics from the article and then comment on what I think this means to non-custodial parents. Two thirds of those behind in child support payments live below the poverty line. Moreover, less than 4% of those behind in payments make over $40,000 annually. The stereotype of rich deadbeat dads driving sports cars and buying vacation homes while ignoring their responsibilities to pay child support is not the typical case. A side note: there are also deadbeat mothers, and they have an even lower rate of compliance with child support orders than men (shattering yet another popular myth).

On a similar note, keep in mind that if you do not properly set up child support, you are subject to an ever increasing array of punishments. Many states are revoking driver's licenses, and Illinois treats those in arrears as downright dangerous. Sheriff Mark Curran explained that "by pooling up, we have more people who can strap on armor (and conduct sweeps)." Strap on armor? So if you never commit a crime and never been accused of any violent act, if you get behind in child support, at least one Sheriff feels the need to wear armor when dealing with you. That is silly.

What does all that lead us to? If you are going through a divorce, or contemplating one, you must realize how important it is that they you protect your interest and make sure that you are not setting yourself up for failure down the road. For example, I have spoken with people who agree to forgo important legal custody rights, in the mistaken belief that since they have 50% visitation schedule it's all the same. But it's not. And in the middle of the most stressful change you are likely to go through, you are unlikely to make sound legal and financial decisions without the help of a dedicated family law attorney. But you also have to stay involved and ask questions as to how decisions you make now affect your financial future.

Every case is different, and generalizations do a disservice to the people going through the trauma of a divorce. According to the