Family Law Lifeline : Chicago Family Lawyer & Attorney : John Steele Law Firm : IL Divorce & Adoption

 Here is a question typical of what I get at least once a month:

• Email This
• Print
• Comments
• Trackbacks

Hope everyone has a safe Halloween, and enjoy the kids (if you have any).  Halloween is one of those quasi-holidays for parenting time purposes.  Parents who fight over such things as having the kids for their own birthday, and minor holidays such as Memorial Day just do not get it.  Does your 6 month old really need to ring in the new year?  Sheesh.  I recently had to remind a client that their one year old won't remember the holidays this year and not to worry about exactly splitting holiday time before a parenting schedule can be drawn up.

The purpose of parenting time is for the children.  During negotiations over parenting time, I once had a client respond, "I need them!", referring to her two children.  This client, and many other people in her situation, have difficulty with shared parenting because they are thinking of what they want, rather than what their children need.  Another example is non-custodial parents who demand to have an equal amount of parenting time with the children.  Common sense, and many studies, tell us that children need a stable home environment with one parent and substantial visitation with the other.  But kids need ONE home, not two where they split their time.  Although there are certainly exceptions to the rule, generally in these situations, the non-custodial parent is being unrealistic.  The reality is that NCP's will simply not see their children as much after ending their relationship with the CP.  That is one of the reasons why some people stay in relationships with the other parent despite not loving the other parent anymore.  

Anyway, back to Halloween.  I think this is a good event that parents who are cordial should try to participate with the children together. Its informal, most people don't have family committments (like Christmas or Thanksgiving).  And the kids can see their parents working together and being good with each other.  Children are very attentive to how their parents interact, and are much less stressed out, and more likely to be better socialized if their parents 'show the way'.

• Email This
• Print
• Comments
• Trackbacks

Many people do not know what a Home State is, but according to the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act (“UCCJEA”) a child’s Home State is one of the most important factors in a Child Custody case, particularly if the child has moved out of state.

The main reason that knowing a child’s home state is important is because it determines which state court has jurisdiction over any custody disputes that may arise when a child has lived in more than one state. According to 750 ILCS 36/102, the “Home State” is the place where a child has resided: (1) with a parent or (2) with a person acting like a parent for (3) six months or longer immediately before the commencement of a child custody proceeding. If the child is less than six months old, then the place that the child lived from birth with any of the persons mentioned becomes the Home State.

Why does this even matter? Lets say Susan and Mike reside in Texas. They decide to have a baby, and when the baby is three months old, Mike wants to move the family to Illinois. The child lives in Illinois for nine months, until it is one year old. At that time, the relationship between the parents disintegrates, and Susan wants to take the child and move back to Texas, where she grew up, and where all of her family and friends are. For the purpose of determining the child’s home state, the court would find that Illinois has become the new home state of the child, and that the court system in Illinois now has jurisdiction over any custody matters.

To further complicate things, if Illinois courts have jurisdiction, they can very well decide it is not in the best interest of the child to break up the family and allow Susan and the child to move back to Texas, because then Mike would not be able to visit with the child. It is easy to see how things can get messy from there. Furthermore, even if Susan is granted permission to take the child and move back to Texas, the court system in Illinois still retains jurisdiction over the matter, and all proceedings are heard in Illinois. This means Susan has to hire an attorney in Illinois, and possibly incur travel expenses from traveling between the two states.

The lesson learned from this situation is that one should be very careful before making any decisions that involve moving a child out of state, whether you are married, or not married. If you and your significant other reside in the same state and you have a child, and you decide to move, if the relationship ever ends, the situation could turn ugly for you. You may be forced to pay an attorney and attend hearings out of state, or even worse, you may be unable to return to your family and friends without relinquishing custody of your child.

- Jessica Natkin

• Email This
• Print
• Comments
• Trackbacks

 Happy 4th!  

Holidays like Independence Day where we celebrate the birth of our country (even though our actual Independence Day is July 2, 1776), puts things in perspective.  To me, today is a day to enjoy the good things we have earned/fought for/sacrificed for.  This applies as easily to our children as our great country.

Some random July 4th shout-outs to some of my clients living right:

For the father who makes daily sacrifices to stay involved in his children's lives.  Enjoy today's cookout with them! 

For the mom who encourages her children to see their father, despite him being a jerk to her personally, way to put your kids first.

For the mother who never gets a weekend without the kids because the father refuses to see his children, despite living nearby.  Your three daughters will remember this years from now.

For the mother who brushed off the threats, and is trying to raise a young child on one income, no child support, while worrying about whether the abusive father will violate the order of protection.

For the father who will not get to see his children because the mother is playing games and not complying with the parenting agreement, as she knows the courts are closed and there is nothing he can do about it until Monday.

Most importantly, for the children, who didn't get a say in their parents, and are stuck for better or worse, with what the parents they were born to.  For those lucky to have two great parents, take notes, and pass on those parenting skills to your kids.  

• Email This
• Print
• Comments
• Trackbacks

Judging by a typical day at family court, you would think the typical child in Cook county is lucky to make it to 18!  Its amazing how a person's ability to parent seems strangely connected to their relationship. At least according to that person's ex. In other words, some parents out there need to realize that just because their relationship is over with the other parent, doesn't mean the child only wants one parent.  Despite this, more and more parents (usually mothers) are asking the court to prevent the other parent (the non-custodial parent) from being alone with the child.

Seriously, why do people suddenly realize that the person they fell in love with and had a child with is suddenly so dangerous that they should be prevented from being alone with that child! Sheesh.  For the record, there are a very small percentage of parents that truly risk their children's lives.  And usually they end up on television. In Illinois, the standard is pretty high to keep a parent from have unsupervised visitation. There has to be a serious risk of harm to the child.  Harm means there is a chance that the parent might kill the kid, or might knowingly place the child into an environment where other adults may endanger the child.

The courts have been clear that just being a bad parent is not grounds to lose your rights to be with your kid. Most parents do the best they can, given their individual skills and issues.  All parents, myself included, have had moments we would not like DCFS to see. But VERY few parents should be forced to have some third party watching over them while they play with their own flesh and blood.

At the same time, I have went to court on behalf of clients and convinced the court that supervised visitation was warranted. But in those cases, I knew in my heart that I was helping a child.  Of course, nothing feels better then using the legal system to restore a child-parent relationship over some spiteful parent who was playing 'parent politics' with a 4 year old.   I think a parent asking the court to prevent the other parent from seeing the child should be forced to pay for both sides legal costs, and face sanctions, if the court finds there is no basis for the allegations.

In fact I rarely lose these type of hearings.  Not because I am the greatest attorney in Illinois, but because I use common sense and my gut.  I simply don't represent clients in these type of hearings unless I believe my client.  If I feel my client is lying to me, or trying to use the legal process to screw the other parent, I decline to represent them.  I figure that is one of the best perks to having started my own firm.  Hey, I should write a post about that!

• Email This
• Print
• Comments
• Trackbacks

This past week I win in court in a case where the other party had filed a Petition to Modify Custody.  Essentially the other party (the mother) wanted to take custody of the two children from my client (the father).  In Illinois, a parent cannot ask to modify custody in less then 24 months after the entry of the current permanent child custody order unless the petitioning party is claiming that the child is at risk of physical harm.  That last clause has A LOT higher burden then non lawyers think.  It is hard.  So basically, don't bother trying to take custody of the kids less then 2 years after a custody order is put into place unless you can show some serious physical risk or danger to the minor child(ren).

A side note, there is a difference between temporary and permanent custody orders.  If a temporary order is in place, the non-custodical parent can ask for a permanent change of custody in their favor.  Of course, courts are not excited about ripping children out of their current living situation just because the other parent may be a bit better.  Which brings me to my last point: Fight for what you want in the beginning.  Its much harder to go back and try to 'fix' an order that you cannot live with.

• Email This
• Print
• Comments
• Trackbacks

One of my favorite lines when a parent is asking me silly questions about reducing or changing child support, is "well, that sounds like you're car repair/roof leak/whatever sure is putting a financial strain on you, but your kids still like eating."  It amazes me how non residential parents forget about that little fact.  If you lose your job, you still need to eat.  So does the children. 

Child support is never fair.  It either unfairly enriches the residential parent (who doesn't have to prove how she is using the money), or harms the children (who receive as little as $10 per month from unemployed non residential parents).  But it is better then no system.  I think if there was a better system, someone would have thought of it.  And since brains, money, and parental ability are (unfortunately) not required to create children, I think that child support will continue to bring out the worst in some people. Relatedly, did you know that you can prevent someone from getting a U.S. passport if they are behind in child support?  Along with revoking driver's licenses, professional licenses, deer hunting permits, ruining credit reports, and handing you over to collections, you may be prevented from leaving the country.  

I raise this everytime someone tells me that they are not going to pay their child support.  Last thought: I had a client who retained me for one issue related to his child, and ended up agreeing to help him in a child support case in a neighboring county.  I should have got more facts from my client about the new matter, because when I spoke to the opposing counsel, I was informed that my client was paying $10 per month in support.  My client responded he would be willing to up it to $10 a week.  My first thought was "what a pathetic loser".  

My second thought was how did the courts let this one through?  Well, to make a long story short, I could not find it within me to represent such a deadbeat.  After an hour of trying to explain how $10 a week does not buy a lot of food, I knew it was best I withdraw. For me, I got to look in the mirror with a clear conscience.  For him, he was free to find some sleaze ball that would argue for such nonsense. 

• Email This
• Print
• Comments
• Trackbacks

Surveys historically say that the biggest complaint people have about their attorneys is that they are not responsive.  In other words attorneys oftentimes do not get back to their clients, or answer emails/phone calls/questions/fears/etc.  I agree for the most part.

It may be tooting my own horn, but my clients are given my cell phone and have access to me at pretty much all time.  Sure, some clients abuse that, but since us lawyers are paid for our time, and we are paid better than most professions, I think we should provide that kind of service.  Especially those attorneys in family law.
Besides, I think family lawyers should make an extra effort to live up to the "Counselor" part of their job title.

• Email This
• Print
• Comments
• Trackbacks

Divorce is a great opportunity for people to see if they are good parents.  There are many things you may not want to do anymore, and will not be required to do anymore, but you should keep doing.  Example #1 of course is talk regularly with the other parent.  Young kids do not really understand divorce, so open hostility, or a breakdown in co-parenting will shock them.  They will wonder if the divorce was their fault, or which parent was the "bad" one and so on.  Less talking is necessary as the child gets older (thank goodness).  As a divorced parent of a 17 year old, I must admit to looking forward to the big 18.  The younger the child, the more a parent can manipulate the child, screw with the other parent, and in general, be selfish.  I recently handled a case in which the other party did not want my client to see the child unsupervised.  Now, in Illinois, supervised visitation is for pedophiles and felons.  My client was clean as a whistle.  He eventually got visitation, but only over a screaming mother.  Hopefully the two can learn to see past their own selfishness, and think of the kid. Why would the other party do this you ask.  The other party simply wanted to "move on" (See previous post about new relationships effect on Divorces).  Its hard to move on when the ex is coming around all the time to see the kids.  The new boyfriend is uncomfortable, makes the mother feel uncomfortable, and so on.  Who cares! Its not about you, but the easy to screw up kid.  Sheesh.  As a parent who (I believe) did the right thing, and asked for joint custody when I could have had sole custody, I get annoyed when a client says they want the other party out of "their" life.  "their" is fine if "their" means the parent, but not good if "their" includes the child.  No one has the right to cut out a decent (or semi-decent) father.  I shall expound on this next week I think.  A good rule of thumb for custody situations is: If it makes you feel really good, (or that you 'won'), its probably a bad decision and your not putting the child first. 

• Email This
• Print
• Comments
• Trackbacks

The reality in Illinois and the entire country for that matter is that people do not properly prepare for their death or incapacity.  Why they do not is beyond the scope of this article.  To make it easier for people to do such preparation, people now have the file in the blank, super easy to use, Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) Order.  The purpose of these forms was to make it easy for people to indicate what they want to have happen in the event that they stop breathing.  Here is why I don't like DNRs.

There is a complete absence of human decision making taking place between the patient (who stands to lose their life), and the doctor (who is covering his malpractice insurance premium).

Then there was the article recently in which an elderly patient who was in a nursing home, but in great shape for her age made the mistake of signing a DNR.  She was healthy, mobile, and had complete cognitive function.  She went to lunch one day and started eating.  Apparently a peanut got stuck in her throat and she started to choke.  There were attendants standing around her, but they all knew that standard procedure in the nursing home was to 'get' everyone to sign a DNR at admittance.  So they figured that she was not breathing and they could not give her the Heimlich maneuver, which almost certainly would have saved her life.  The family settled out of court with the nursing home.

But the problems are obvious.  There is no common sense in a "one size fits all" order like the DNR.  There is no human in the chain of decision making to say "Wait a sec, that is not what my grandma meant!".  And most importantly, DNR's cause deaths.

Is there a solution? Of course.  Simply give a family member, friend, attorney, anyone the authority to determine what you would have wanted.  Heck, I would rather have a stranger on the street determine when I would not want further help than a doctor who is concerned first and foremost with malpractice litigation, or a nursing home worried about a lawsuit.  Sure, your representative could make a mistake and accidentally keep you alive, but at least you won't suffer the ignominy of being killed by a peanut.

• Email This
• Print
• Comments
• Trackbacks

I am putting together a seminar to address people's concerns and questions about divorce, child custody, and child support in Chicago next month.  It should be interesting.  I hope to be able to provide some perspective and explain the overall process.  I think that as family law attorneys, we forget that most people don't really know what the process is, and what they think they know is simply wrong.  A friend mentioned that it seemed strange to offer a seminar to educate people about family law for free.  After all, with enough information, one can go to the courthouse and take care of everything themselves.  I gave his three rebuttals: First, I have found that the more I share information with people, the more they come to trust me and the more business comes my way.  Many people do not feel like trusting their life's savings and children's future to self help forms, and a 'gut feel' earned through Law & Order reruns.  Second, I have found that it is often cheaper and quicker to bring an attorney in from the beginning.  I have worked with people who started their divorce themselves, realized they were in over their head, handed their case to me and I had to clean it up.  Cleaning can be costly, and almost always involves 'restarting the case', since few non-attorney's actually show up to the many status checks required by the court, and allow their divorce to be dismissed.  Third, so what?  If people have a simple divorce, with no children or property and agree to everything, they probably don't need an attorney.  For those people, I suggest trying it yourself with perhaps an attorney reviewing the decree (thats the final and important court document that lays out everyone's post divorce responsibilities). I will see.     

• Email This
• Print
• Comments
• Trackbacks

I shake my head when I read papers from people declaring that government needs to get more involved in people's private lives: http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=1084562 The problem with such government meddling is that it doesn't work.  Communism's failure in the 1900's is a stark testament to the unpredictable nature of central control.  Unintended consequences result from every action.  A simple example: You save a bird, and feel good that you helped out a living creature.  But that bird has an illness that makes people sick, and proceeds to infect dozens of Chicago citizens.   Similarly, the Miami city government years ago had to address a rampant rat problem, so they decided to import a few hundred cats, today there is a larger wild cat problem in that city than the rats ever posed.  Do we really want 'incentives' for good behavior (at least what the government decrees is good behavior).  In the above paper marriage was deemed a good status and unmarried cohabitation was deemed a bad state of living.  But there are horrible marital situations filled with abuse and neglect, and unmarried couples leading commendable lives.  No one size fits all solution has ever  worked, especially when created by a federal bureaucracy.  And then there is that whole concept of freedom and the natural rights of man enunciated in that Constitution document .  .  . 

• Email This
• Print
• Comments
• Trackbacks

Like many states, Illinois statutes relating to marriage and children often and mistakenly assume women do not cheat on their husbands. For example, if a child is born to a married couple, and nothing is said or done by either person, the state (and the courts) presume the husband is the father.  Ok, thats a good assumption.  But what if its not the case?  At the risk of sounding like Jerry Springer, there have been two people who have asked me questions recently along the lines of "I'm married and had a child, my husband is on the birth certificate.  What rights does the actual father have to see the child?"

Now, setting aside my non-legal opinion regarding promiscuity and birth control, I still find such questions insulting from a legal perspective.  First, the biological father should have a chance to develop a relationship with his child.  Of course, the overriding factor is 'best interest of the child', and the court will look to that and NOT what would make the biological father happy.  However, the biological mother usually cuts out the biological father (after all, his usefulness is over) and creates a baby rearing dynamic that is sure to lead the court to cut out the biological father in the name of 'not disrupting the environment' of the baby.

Don't worry Biological dad, if the mother ever gets divorce, and she thinks you would be a better child support donor, she can go about having the state recognize you as the father, and then you lose 20% of your income (plus its unlikely you will get to see the child).

My advice for almost EVERY legal matter is to demand/fight for your legal rights immediately.  Waiting usually reduces your right to claim a grievance or get redress.

Men: If you are in a situation where you do not want to confront these complicated legal issues and do not want children from your 'funtime', there are ways to insure this (hint: they are round and in the drug store).

• Email This
• Print
• Comments
• Trackbacks

Well, I just spoke to a new client that lives in southern Illinois. I decided to take the case, partly because I like to practice family law. For instance, I would not drive six hours to do a real estate closing. More importantly, I like fighting to correct a bad situation. I like helping people, righting wrongs, whatever you want to call it. I get to help a child improve her custody arrangement (we will leave it at that for confidentiality reasons). I realize this post is sounding like I am patting myself on the back, but my original intent in this post is the realization that I just agreed to represent someone (albeit in a small matter) in a county I have never heard of, pretty darn close to Kentucky! Maybe I can combine it into a day trip/vacation!

• Email This
• Print
• Comments
• Trackbacks

80% of divorces are unilateral, as opposed to something both parties want. If this statistic is correct, then four out of five divorces are unwanted by one of the spouses. If you are the one who wants out, you'll have the power to decide when and how to best to approach the split.

This advantage is critical because once a marital dissolution petition is filed, many jurisdictions impose automatic restraints against shifting assets or changing the status quo ante (the way things were, just before the filing). That can complicate things if you do not plan ahead. On the other hand, statistics tell us that 70% of divorce filings are by women. So men, it's not likely you'll control the timing of the split, though you might control the purse strings.

But no matter who files, planning a divorce, or defending against one, can feel like taking on a second job, with so much to consider. For example, if you are the one who wants out, you must weigh whether you can trust your spouse not to financially annihilate you just to spite your decision to leave. Will he or she do everything possible to destroy what you worked so hard to attain while the marriage was working? Are there steps you can take to minimize the damage of divorce, while protecting your relationship with your kids, your property and your income?

Moreover, for many individuals, a divorce involves more than just dealing with finances and the kids. It affects not only the immediate family but perhaps elderly parents that need to be looked after, not to mention relationships with extended family members, friends and even beloved in-laws. Because of the emotional upheaval, many couples benefit from therapeutic counseling, as well as financial planning, in the act of dismantling a life built for two.

The bottom line is that you need to protect your own interests, while still being reasonable, if possible. And though you might think your spouse will act prudently, don't count on it. Very few people encounter divorce without responding in an emotional way. In the words of Ben Franklin, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

You should be prepared for the chance that your divorce may become adversarial and that, for a while, your spouse will turn into a person you never knew existed. So try to bear in mind that while you may be taking an action that you think is merely rational, it's very possible that he or she will interpret your actions differently or, perhaps worse, offensively, creating more problems. Sometimes the most devastating (and legally sound) tactic will simply p#$$ off the other spouse who will then want to get even.

Naturally, with an iron-clad prenuptial or postnuptial agreement, the divorce process will proceed in a more predictable fashion. But even then, expect your spouse to fight the the agreement's enforceability based on grounds that it might be unconscionable now to enforce it, although it was perfectly fair when it was executed.

On the whole, divorce brings uncertainly that can breed anxiety, hostility or worse. But there are steps you can take to place yourself in a more advantageous position while you determine if your differences are irreconcilable or not.

RULE #1 - Contact our firm or another MATRIMONIAL law firm as soon as you decide to go through with a divorce. Pre-planning saves an incredible amount of legal fees.

RULE #2- People almost NEVER stay unemotional throughout the divorce. Regardless of how smooth it seems in the beginning.

RULE #3 - NEVER handle your own case when your spouse has an attorney. In fact, make sure you at least have an attorney review your documents if the two of you are trying to work together on the divorce.

RULE #4 - Ben Franklin (see above).

• Email This
• Print
• Comments
• Trackbacks

I was asked the other day about how child can become emancipated. I always find such questions interesting since the person asking me rarely understands what emancipation means in legal terms. In Illinois, a minor who is 16 or 17 may petition the court, and IF THE PARENTS CONSENT, and the child can show they can financially take care of themselves, the court may emancipate them. Now. . . does that seem a likely scenario? Not usually. Not a lot of 16 year olds drawing a paycheck that can support an adult lifestyle. Not a lot of 16 year old parents feel like losing the tax advantage, or lack of control over a teenager they feel a moral duty to raise.

More likely are scenarios in which a relationship between a child and one or both parents are really poor. In the context of a child whose parents are divorced, one parent (or the child) wants to restrict access to the child. Court looks at . . . best interest of the child (If you have been reading my blog you already knew this!). If one parent is bad, or the parent's environment is bad, the court may alter custody or visitation.

If the scenario is one disgruntled child wanting to leave his or her parents, the typical answer is, "Tough". Kids often don't like rules, rebelling is part of growing up, and so on. Of course there are cases involving abuse, which need to be dealt with, (normally in Cook county by the Department of Family and Children Services).

As is the case with most of family law, it is extremely state specific. In Minnesota for instance, there is no statutory provision for emancipation at all.

• Email This
• Print
• Comments
• Trackbacks

The Law Offices of Sharon T. Sooho published a great article in November 2005, titled 10 Holiday Tips for Divorced Parents.  As a divorced parent, I have found it to be very useful, and hope you do too!

"Divorce is emotionally draining, especially during the holidays and special occasions. Divorced parents must communicate with even more diplomacy, patience, mutual understanding, respect, and tolerance than married couples planning holiday travel, dinners, reunions and gift-giving. Juggling schedules during marriage is hard, and it only gets harder after divorce.

"Here are 10 tips for making sure everyone enjoys special occasions:

"1. Plan Ahead

"Develop a parenting schedule before the holidays.

"Avoid scheduling the children for dinner with Dad at noon and a second turkey dinner a few hours later with Mom. Instead, arrange for Dad to spend the entire day with the children in all odd-numbered years, and have Mom spend the holiday with them in all even-numbered years.

"If possible, hire a parenting coordinator, usually a child psychologist or divorce lawyer appointed by the court to act as a decision-maker until a judge makes a different decision. You have quicker access to the coordinator than the judge, but the coordinator must be paid.

"2. Keep Your Word

"Stick to the schedule. Arrive on time and drop off the children on time.

"3. Keep in Touch

"If the children are not with you for the holidays, call them, and be sure to send cards or email. Consider celebrating the holiday or birthday before or after the actual day. Children love parties and gifts any time - nothing fancy - but something special you create just for them.

"4. Let the Children Keep in Touch

"If the children spend the holiday with you, let them speak with the other parent. Give the children any cards and email from the other parent, and read the messages to young children who cannot read. If the children are too young to call, help them make or receive a call, and let them have a quiet moment to speak with the other parent. Make sure to avoid planning an exciting activity like gift-opening at the same time that the children are scheduled to speak with their Mom or Dad.

"Remember, children usually have a short attention span, so do not blame the other parent if conversations are short.

"5. Safe Travel

"Make travel arrangements with airlines for long-distance travel. Airlines provide supervision for unaccompanied minors for a nominal fee.

"6. The Art of Gift-Giving

"Coordinate gift-giving with the other parent. Do not give your child a cell phone if you know Mom is giving her a phone. If your ex-spouse will not cooperate, go ahead with your own plans, but do not complain to the children about the other parent.

"7. Acknowledge the Child's Right to Enjoyment

"Let your child take gifts to your ex-spouse's home. Conversely, if your child brings home a new toy or bicycle, let your child take it back to her Dad's home, if she wants.

"8. To Each His Own

"Let the children spend Mother's Day with Mom and Father's Day with Dad.

"9. Create Your Own Celebrations

"Do not insist upon attending your child's birthday or graduation party if your ex-spouse is throwing the party. Give your own party on another day.

"10. Give Your Child Permission to Love Both Parents

"Help your child buy or make a gift and card for the other parent, if the child is too young to handle the tasks herself. You are doing your child a favor, not your ex-spouse, because you are giving your child permission to love the other parent - the best gift you can give."

• Email This
• Print
• Comments
• Trackbacks

Article by "Divorce Magazine" that I found interesting and have long believed.

The old adage that couples should stay together for the sake of the kids is silly. Children flourish with the least amount of stress, fighting, and upheaval. While having two parents live in seperate homes is upheaval, at least you're not giving them a daily dose of stress as to when the next round of fighting will break out.

ARTICLE BELOW:

"Good news for girls?

A recent study suggests that divorce may provide a better outcome for school-age daughters than if the parents were to remain in a turbulent marriage. While most research into the effects of divorce on children compares the outcomes of children whose parents have experienced divorce to those in traditional, two- parent families, this study's author utilized data containing observations of children whose parents filed for divorce but did not subsequently divorce as compared to those whose parents did actually divorce. While Mark Hoekstra, an economics professor at the University of Pittsburgh, agrees that boys and girls from two-parent intact families perform better academically than boys and girls whose parents divorced, he discovered that girls whose parents divorced tend to perform better in school than girls from similarly troubled families whose parents initiated divorce proceedings but remained married.

Hoekstra studied detailed student records on behavior and standardized test scores in Alachua County, Florida, as well as divorce records, from 1993 to 2003. By matching divorce records to student records, he was able to identify 690 students whose parents divorced and 111 students whose parents filed for divorce but later withdrew their petition. According to Hoekstra, the first- and 10th-grade girls whose parents divorced scored an average of slightly more than eight points higher on standardized reading and mathematics tests than those whose parents filed for divorce but later requested the case be dismissed. The differences persisted four years after the divorce.

Interestingly, no academic differences were found for boys. Hoekstra suggests that one potential reason girls in families with rocky marriages are more likely to experience academic problems is that they may be more adversely affected by conflict than boys. The opportunity for girls to have a closer relationship with their mothers, who are often the primary custodian when parents divorce, may also explain their stronger academic performance, he adds."

• Email This
• Print
• Comments
• Trackbacks

Child custody rights are awarded to parents, step-parents, grandparents, and other legal guardians as determined by a family court judge. Legal judgments in child custody rights cases strongly favor biological parents who are deemed suitable guardians. Child custody rights are essentially awarded based on the best interests of the children involved. This seemingly catchall phrase is critical, and you essentially spend your time as a parent in a divorce trying to establish your vision of what exactly the child's best interest is.

Child custody rights and responsibilities detail who will have legal and physical custody of the child. Child support payments will also be determined where applicable in child custody rights cases. The percentage of what the non-custodial parent pays is set by statute with judges allowed to go outside them on exceptional cases.

Child custody rights may be shared by both parents or, primary child custody rights may be awarded to one parent or legal guardian. Since the 1970s the family court will award child custody rights contingent with the best interests of the child. In the past, family courts used to favor mothers in child custody rights cases. This bias is still held by some family law judges, though they will always make a fair assessment of a child's best interests when determining child custody rights.

In seven out of ten cases, child custody rights are awarded primarily to the mother of the children. Primary child custody rights are awarded to fathers less than ten percent of the time. Joint custody is awarded about twenty percent of the time meaning that child custody rights and responsibilities are shared by both parents. In most cases that do not involve abuse or neglect, parents will be free to determine the division of child custody rights as long as the arrangement is approved by a family court judge.

Parents can largely determine child custody rights when there are not major discrepancies in the terms sought by each party. Mediation is a process by which a neutral third party intercedes to facilitate decisions about child custody rights. When an agreement can be made through mediation and approved by a judge, the terms of this parenting plan will be upheld. When there are disagreements over child custody rights, the case will be heard by a judge who will ultimately determine child custody rights. Usually it doesn't get that far. The judge has ways of letting the attorneys know what his initial impressions of the situation are, and combined with the law, two good experienced attorneys will know the range, and work something out. If one side is obstinate (or doesn't listen to their attorney), the judge decides and that is the end of it. Just remember, in Illinois, there are no jury trials in divorce court, so one person will be deciding your child's future in a trial.

When a judge hears a child custody rights case, s/he will take several factors into account when making a decision. Courts will often rely on the expert testimony of a psychologist who will evaluate child custody rights options by looking at a number of relevant factors. The following factors are taken into consideration when determining child custody rights: past parenting behavior, the age of the child, the child's preference, the amount of time a parent can dedicate to properly raising a child, household stability, financial considerations, and other specifics. Children may be allowed to testify at any age though special considerations are made for younger children.

Child custody rights involve both physical and legal rights and responsibilities. Physical child custody rights refer to who will actually take care of the child, i.e., who the child will live and spend time with. Legal child custody rights refer to parental decision making power yielded over the major events of a child's life, such as education, health care, activities, religion, and the like. This differentiation is very confusing for parents. It might help to think of the 'typical' situation people see: the children are physically with the mother and the father pays child support. In such a case, the father almost always has joint legal custody, and the mother has sole physical custody with visitation rights for the father. When you hear someone say 'custodial' parent and 'non-custodial' parent, the speaker is referring to physical custody.

It's rare for a court to approve joint physical custody, and rare for it to NOT approve joint legal custody. Judges are nervous about joint physical custody because it requires a great deal of cooperation between the parents. In a nutshell, it means the two parents are going to work things out on their own until the children are 18 (like during the marriage). In my experience, if the divorce in general is contentious, there will not be joint physical custody.

This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to child custody. But it's a start. Remember, my goal with this site is not to walk you through a divorce. Only a non-attorney would be foolish enough to think the messy process of divorce can be addressed the same for everyone. My goal is to have you better prepared to meet with me or another experienced divorce attorney.

• Email This
• Print
• Comments
• Trackbacks

I have attached an article from the Boston Globe about how people are now fighting over custody of their dogs, followed by my musings:

Less than a decade ago, pets were viewed simply as property in divorce cases and treated much like all the other things that are to be split when two people were separating.

However, times have changed and apparently so have the property value of our furry friends.

According to reports, legal battles regarding who gets the pet are quite common these days in divorce cases.

New Technique to Decide Pet Custody

Dr. Amy Marder, an animal behavior specialist in Lexington is often hired by divorcing couples to settle the legal dispute of which partner gets custody of the household pet.

Marder says she evaluates the pet and the couple by spending a couple of hours with them and analyzing the pet's behavior.

In her evaluation she asks the owners questions like, who spends more time with the pet and who feeds it.

She also asks about the pet's overall temperament and upbringing before she can make any kind of decision about where its future home should be.

Marder, like other animal specialist, feel that this technique is far more effective in making the right decision than the "calling contests" method previously used by lawyers. (Source: The Boston Globe)

Two thoughts:

1).  While I respect a person's love for their pet, I also find that a given pet tends to be closer to one person than the other. I think it's selfish to think of yourself rather than the pet's desire. (Sound familiar? See child custody postings). Usually it's just one party wanting to exert pressure on the person who is the more appropriate owner.

2).  Pets are usually short-term assets. Sounds harsh, but it's reality. If both parties are really that committed to the pet and are willing to take on responsibilities similar to child custody, then I will set it up. Expect some amount of stress and frustration with sharing custody of Fido, or fighting in court for full custody. Be ready to spend real money on this custody fight.

• Email This
• Print
• Comments
• Trackbacks