Family Law Lifeline : Chicago Family Lawyer & Attorney : John Steele Law Firm : IL Divorce & Adoption

 I received several inquiries today from people who wanted to know how they go about enforcing an oral agreement.  My first option would be to get a time machine.  That way the person can go back, grab a lawyer, have him draft an agreement, and get the person to sign it.  My second option would be . . . look at it as a learning experience for next time when you should grab a lawyer, have him draft an agreement, and get the person to sign it.  

Let's be logical about this (I know that is not common in my line of work).  Here is one typical example: I person who you promised to spend the rest of your life with, who discovered you were cheating on them, makes a verbal agreement with you regarding your rights to see your children and how much child support to pay.  No need for lawyers because 'they just cost a lot of money".  Six months later, when your ex meets the new love of her her life, she suddenly doesn't seem real accommodating, files a petition for child support, and claims you have never paid a dime.  Oh, and she cuts off visitation until 'things are worked out in court', maybe in 9 months or so.  All that could have been avoided.  

This may be counter intuitaive, but your ex will normally be at their most agreeable right before the divorce is final. Both sides want it over, each person needs the other to sign off on the MSA, and each person has this self perception of themselves as reasonable.  Also, neither party has usually fallen in love with their new boyfriend or girlfriend, so you have not been relagated to unwanted ex yet.

And don't get me started about child support.  The number of men paying cash for child support when there is no agreement in place explains why con artists are so successful: there is a sucker born every minute.

Here are my bulletpoints from this post:

1. GET A LAWYER.  You can always make more money, its harder to make more kids.

2. Child support, visitation, custody, and parentage need to always be in writing.

3. Do not put off hard issues for later, put them in writing up front.

4. Do not verbally change a written agreement unless it is VERY minor.

5. Unless you are a family lawyer, do not agree to anything orally or in writing until it is reviewed by and attorney and you understand it.

4. NEVER pay money to someone that you cannot prove you paid that money (I know this is obvious but . . .) And If you pay child support in cash call me because I have a bridge in brooklyn to sell you.

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6 Months in jail for flipping off the judge.  I love these stories, as its about time judges started taking back the courtroom from people who think the ghetto or trailer park they live in somehow extends to the courtroom:

http://cbs2chicago.com/local/mchenry.contempt.court.2.1288146.html

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For those of you who do not know, starting tomorrow, November 3rd, the law requiring parental notification goes into effect in regards to abortion.  Now this is not a post regarding abortion, but rather my thoughts as a family lawyer on the issue of parental notification.

Lets start off by saying that abortion is legal, so for those of you who raise the argument "but it should not be", that argument is irrelevant here.  And for those who believe that abortion should be unrestricted, they are missing the point as well.  We have long held that common sense restrictions on even fundamental rights, such as free speech is necessary.  

There are many instances in which the government, and society, have determined that because something is legal does not mean minors can do it.  Remember that minors legally do not possess the maturity to enter into contracts.  Society has held since long before the formation of this country that minors should not be held to agreements that they sign because they do not have the knowledge and maturity to make informed decisions.  Critics of the new bill claim that somehow such minors do have the maturity to determine whether to end a pregnancy (and depending on your viewpoint, perhaps a life).  I would like to make the decision to terminate a pregnancy at least up there with buying a car (which minors cannot do on their own).

Examining the new law, I can't help but think its much to do about nothing as it will not prevent abortions or help parents resume their former role of . . . well parents. 

First, the law has the old caveat whereby a minor can simply go to a judge and ask to bypass the notificaiton.  There are already free legal aid groups popping up to walk children through the process. 

Second, its a parental NOTIFICATION law, not a parental consent law.  So unlike most neighboring states, parents do not have to consent to the abortion, just be told by their underage daughter that the daughter is going ahead with the abortion whether the parents like it or not. 

Third, (and this is really silly), the notification form, supposedly signed by the parents, required under the new law will be brought in by the children themselves.  Gee, think any scared girls will simply forge their parents signature?  I'm sure Planned Parenthood will really follow up to confirm the signatures are legit.  And why should the underage girl worry?  Even if she is caught, she is too young to be prosecuted as an adult, after all she is too young to know what she is doing. 

Fourth, why is this particular procedure treated differently than every other medical procedure a child may undergo?  A sixteen year old cannot elect to have a kidney operation without parental consent (not just notification).  I would bet that abortion has a higher risk of harm to the minor child (I'm referring to the mother) then many medical procedures.  Shouldn't the parents, who the legal system say is presumed to have the child's best interest in mind, at least know what their child is up to at Planned Parenthood?

My final thought is that I see parents routinely abdicate their responsibility as parents, leaving it to public schools to teach sex ed, among other values.  I see non-custodial parents never spending time with their children, oftentimes because the custodial parent has made it their life's goal of alienating the aforementioned non-custodial parent from their child.   Part of all this results from our evolving belief in the role of the state for our children (the subject of a whole other post).  It's no longer the parents job to provide health care, its the government.  The government will soon provide half of this countries children with food stamps at some point in the child's life.  Likewise, parents no longer have the authority to determine when to spank their children without fear of having those children taken away by state employees who are not exactly held to private sector standards of excellence. Google "DCFS abuse" and read about how the state treats Illinois parents. 

Until Nov 3rd, Illinois parents are not even allowed to KNOW when their underage child is getting an abortion, never mind having a say in such a momentous decision.  We don't hand a fourteen year old car keys just because they think they are ready to drive, and we should similarly keep medical decisions out of their hands as well.

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